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My darlings. Greetings and welcome to the undead and aspiring undead among you.

As you know, our lives as vampires are no longer what they used to be. Once, in a glorious frenzy of bloodlust, we could seduce humans, feed and kill undetected, but no more. Now millions follow our every move in books, TV, film and on this wonderful web.

I''m hardly surprised. We are irresistible no? So erotic, so dangerous, so charming. And we possess two things every human  desires more than anything.

Eternal life.

Eternal thinness. 

And yet, I will be frank. We, you, need to dress better. The black capes, velvet gowns, pasty faces and bloodshot eyes have to go. We have committed the worst sin one can, dead or undead.

We have become a cliché. If I wasn't already dead, I would stake myself over this.

My dear  bloodsuckers, we now live in a century where image is everything. Breathers  have  done research that reveals how you  look determines how people relate to you, and  therefore offer their necks to you.

Dress fabulously, feed fantastically!

I know the names Dior, Balmain, Versace and Calvin Klein are not familiar to you, and yet they must be. Let me help you reinvent yourself as an undead fashionista, an aficionado of haute couture, ready-to-wear, the Gap and Topshop.

Trust me, nightwalkers. I have worked in the fashion industry in Paris, Milan, London and New York. I knew Marie Antoinette, sewed gowns for Christian Dior and designed for Ralph Lauren. I have styled stars for the Oscars and now work inside a major fashion magazine. 

And I am a vampire. No, I’m not the only one in the fashion industry. We undead toil inside a number of  fabulously chic establishments, some even run them.

Oh, darlings, if only you knew.

 Scarlett xxxx

Buy the Book!

 


Book Excerpts

 

Diet and Exercise

Twice a year in the fashion capitals of New York, Paris, London and Milan humans perform an important ritual called Fashion Week. At this event, extremely chic mortals sit and watch a breed called models glide past them wearing next seasons stylish offerings. click here for more

Lingerie

We know it. They know it. We undead are the ultimate erotic experience. Our super vampire strength means we can go all night and seduce for all eternity. Once a human has submitted their flesh to our desires, there is no going back for them. click here for more

Twilight

Dear Edward Cullen, thank you! You are the most famous vampire of our time. Everyone adores you, four books have been written about you, and you have made us so proud. You are the best dressed teenage vampire I have encountered anywhere. click here for more

Main | Rover and out »
Sunday
Dec082013

Curious George

DateSunday, December 8, 2013 at 5:20PM

W magazineSome breathers thinks blending in with their surroundings will help them avoid hungry vamps. Um hello, George, nice try, but duh, we can still see you. With all those Hollywood costume designers you have on speed dial, may I suggest calling them next time instead of just ripping wallpaper off the roll and throwing it on?

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